I SIRIUSLY hate drapery now!
by HappyBotter
Summary: What if Sirius didn't die that night at the ministry? Will he proceed to live a happy life? Oneshot. Random fic written to relieve boredom.


**I **_**SIRIUSLY **_**Hate Drapery Now!**

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><p>Sirius Black walked along the busy street, every now and then waving to random people who waved at him first, with no set destination. He was wondering what would happen in the future. He just hoped it would continue getting better, like it was now. Sirius looked around him, and realized that he his pointless wandering had led him close to the Leaky Cauldron. He decided to stop by for a drink, as he really didn't have anything else to do.<p>

Soon, a glass of Firewhiskey was in Sirius' hand, and in the next few seconds, it was no longer a glass of Firewhiskey-it was a glass of air. Perhaps this might not have been a good idea, because as the drink's fiery feeling started in Sirius' body, he found that he had started to burp non-stop. Sirius was going to use a spell to stop himself burping, when he realized that he didn't know of such a spell. Perhaps he should ask Moony later on.

Sirius went to the bathroom, waiting for the burping to cease, but he soon found out that standing on top of a toilet, burping, wasn't really a fun thing to do. Perhaps he should _sit_ on the toilet and burp? That wasn't really fun either. Sirius started to think, which was rather unusual, but he remembered that Moony had once told him that thinking took his mind off things. But what to think of? He eventually settled on the subject of how his life suddenly went from very miserable to perfectly happy.

His life had first started to go downhill when the dark lord Voldemort had risen, and it got worse when Prongs and Lily had to go into hiding. And then it was a downright trainwreck when they were killed, betrayed by a _rat_, whom he sought to kill, only for _him_ to be thrown in prison. For twelve years. TWELVE YEARS with no one but a dementor who seemed to be…interested in him. But at least his best friend's son had lived, and was now safely being taken care of by Dumbledore (he had hoped)...as long as he knew this, he could tolerate Azkaban.

But nooo, the rat had to show up again, and in a position that could be very dangerous to Harry. So Sirius became the first person to escape the wizarding prison, though he couldn't really remember how he did it anymore, and went to commit the murder that he was imprisoned for. And that was when life became a little better, now that he had Moony back on his side, and had found Harry safe…But the rat escaped, and just had to make Lord Voldemort rise again.

And so the Order of the Phoenix was re-formed, and the least he could do was to offer his family home. Wait, _family_ home? More like disgusting house of Pureblood supremists. He really didn't need to be reminded of his family. But he had to stay in the house, and was stuck for nearly a year, when that life changing event happened.

Harry had, somehow, been tricked by Voldemort that he, Sirius, was in the Ministry of Magic, being tortured for information on how to obtain the prophesy, though it seemed that Harry didn't know about the prophesy. The Order of the Phoenix arrived in time to help Harry, and the Death Eaters were being defeated. Sirius had gone with the Order, ignoring Dumbledore's orders to stay at "home", and it was just his luck to end up dueling his cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange-who managed to hit the ground near him with a Reducto, throwing him at the mysterious veil that was in the middle of the room. Sirius thought that he was about to die, but due to very sheer luck, he got hit by a stunner, whether from an Order member or a Death Eater he didn't know. All he knew was that he was knocked out and later woke up to hear that the Ministry had arrived in time, and defeated Voldemort, and that he was now clear of all charges.

And so, two months later, here he was. In Diagon Alley, wandering around…wait, Diagon Alley? Wasn't he burping in a bathroom in the Leaky Cauldron? He must have gotten carried off with this thinking thing, apparently it really did work.

"_But what to do now?_" He asked himself. Perhaps he should go to Mr. Dray Perr's Magical Second-Hand Curtain Shop? He really needed to rid the "house" of all traces of his "family", as well as getting some new furniture, to turn it into a house. A real one, anyway. And even though those things were second-hand, some were in good condition.

But as he was about to enter the shop, a figure appeared-a figure wrapped entirely in drapes. It resembled a dementor, just more colourful. It made a hissing noise as it turned it's head to him. Okay, this was getting scary. And then it spoke, it's voice still hissing, and said," _Ssssiriusssss…Black…Give me…your Sssssoul…_"

What the-? _Why_ was a drape-y dementor allowed to run around as it wished! And why-Wait, what was that bit about his soul?

The figure started approaching. Sirius backed away, raised his wand, and cast a patronus at the figure; but the patronus just went through the dementor thingy as if it wasn't there.

Sirius was starting to panic. He wondered why nobody was actually aware that a drape dementor creature was about to attack him, when he remembered that this shop was in a pretty deserted area of Diagon Alley, and that even the shopkeeper had gone to eat his lunch.

Sirius wanted to scream. But that wasn't manly, even though the figure was only about a metre away from him, and a man must be manly at all times and no exceptions. The figure was now really close. Really really close. "_And here comes the end of Sirius Black…At the hands of a dementor made out of drapes…_"

And suddenly, Sirius was falling, and the dementor thingy was nowhere to be seen. Why was Sirius falling, and where, though? With a feeling of dread, he suddenly realized where he was. He had slipped and fallen into the endless bin, a small bin which was placed in a lonely corner to dispense of unwanted items. Despite its small size, it has been tested, and you could actually throw objects the size of elephants in it.

And forever and ever, Sirius fell. And fell. And fell. All the time thinking "_I SIRIUSLY hate drapery!_"

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><p>Back on the surface, the figure in drapes pulled off said drapes. Harry Potter was truly shocked that a certain Sirius Black had suddenly disappeared.<p>

He stomped his foot in frustration.

"Oh _come on_!" He said in frustration," It was just a joke!"

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><p><strong>AN: This is my first fic. Flame if you want, give constructive criticism, tell me what you think about it, and all that. And yes, the characters are a little OOC, but hey, this **_**is **_**an AU.**


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